Before I begin, I want to share a disclaimer that I’m having a straightforward pregnancy with no complications, and the following experience of not going through pregnancy scared is based on preconceived and general fear, as opposed to trauma. If you are experiencing specific difficulties during your pregnancy, I kindly recommend that you reach out to your midwife for tailored support.
Sitting in Starbucks with a large coffee after having my Oral Glucose Tolerance Test (OGTT) for gestational diabetes, I felt proud. Not because I could tick off a test with a ‘thank goodness that’s done’, but because I realised that I don’t need to go through pregnancy scared.
Pregnancy is a time when, I feel, women commonly feel scared. Scared of needles. Scared of childbirth. Scared of not bouncing back. I remember a friend texting me during her pregnancy a few years ago to say that she felt scared, and I completely understood. I felt scared for her, like it was the default emotion for anyone going through something as life-changing as becoming a parent. Yet, when my time came, I wasn’t scared. Despite navigating burnout around the time I found out, excitement replaced fear.
If you’re currently going through pregnancy scared, or are standing on the edge before taking the leap, I hope my personal experience resonates with you.
1. Remove negative influences and find positive ones
The most important thing I have done during pregnancy is protect my peace. It might sound harsh (and as a recovering people pleaser, it certainly feels it), but I stay clear of triggers and avoid listening to negativity.
I know that setting boundaries can be difficult, especially if the not-so-positive influences are coming from friends or family. We have been fortunate that the majority of people in our lives have been nothing but helpful, understanding and positive. But, there have been times when I’ve needed to create distance. It’s not healthy for me to be running on adrenaline when I’ve needed the happy hormone, oxytocin.
Often, distance can be created subtly, such as by politely closing conversations and changing the subject, or becoming selective about the in-person events that you attend. If things don’t improve, the situation might require confrontation, such as by asking the person directly to give you space. It can feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it will be worth it in the long run.
I would highly recommend joining a pregnancy-focused group or class to find positive influences during pregnancy. I mentioned in my blog post, Lessons from over halfway through pregnancy, that I attend a weekly aquanatal class led by a hypnobirthing practitioner. I felt nervous stepping through the doors for the first time, but connecting with other women on the same journey as me has been invaluable. It’s now the highlight of my working week.
2. Read positive material
With birth stories at our fingertips on our favourite social media platforms, it’s important to take the negative ones with a pinch of salt. Or, even better, don’t engage with them at all!
The simple act of swapping my morning social media scroll for reading 10 pages of a book or magazine has been profound in creating a positive headspace for my day ahead. I’m currently reading Hypnobirthing: Practical Ways to Make Your Birth Better, and I couldn’t recommend it enough so far. It makes me feel empowered for what’s to come and, dare I say, excited for the day I get to give birth.
3. Make your own truths
The pièce de résistance for my personal empowerment has been making my own decisions about how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ something is – without taking other people’s views on board. I was inspired to write this blog post because I’d heard nothing but horror stories about the OGTT. You need to fast. You need to have blood tests. You need to sit in the waiting room for two hours. However well-meaning, the conversations based on other people’s experiences only elevated my fear. I was dreading it.
The pattern has been the same throughout my pregnancy, and the OGTT presented the same conclusion. The test was fine. There was nothing to be scared of. So, is it logical to say that my birth won’t be the same? Only time will tell, but history could repeat itself.
In any circumstance, I choose not to go through pregnancy scared.