How to let go of perfectionism with intentional living

Perfectionism is a topic that’s dear to my heart. Recalling the number of times I’ve endured perfectionistic tendencies, from agonising over questions in exams at school that led to inadequate results, to rigorous diet and fitness routines that I embarked on and failed, it has been a mentally draining experience.

“It’s impossible to complete a project, goal or lifestyle perfectly, and you performed it to the best of your ability within the constraints of an overbearing personality trait. I have to remind myself of this, too.”

I’ve noticed that the word “perfectionist” is often misconstrued, too. I’ve been privy to the proud acclamations of perfectionism in the corporate world, especially in answer to the interview question, “What is your biggest weakness?” Naturally, the work will be delivered on time, with 100% effort, without mistakes and precisely marked in the project tracker upon completion, right?

Of course, this isn’t true – not in the long term, anyway. If you’re a perfectionist, the following routine might sound familiar to you:

– Having a strong desire at the beginning of a project to make it “perfect”
– Agonising over the minute details of the project, with strategy documents, new equipment and building a toolkit for success
– A few days, weeks or months in, realising that the project can’t be completed perfectly and burning out, throwing the towel in or doing a rushed job, and feeling unhappy about the result

As well as quashing productivity, perfectionism can be debilitating and negatively impact mental health through stress and anxiety. If the latter feels true, I encourage you to consult your general practitioner for medical advice. However, if you’re healthily striving to let go of perfectionism, the following mindset shifts can help:

Practising self-compassion

The first step is to be kind to yourself, as if you’re speaking to one of your sisters upon hearing of their experience with perfectionism. It’s impossible to complete a project, goal or lifestyle perfectly, and you performed it to the best of your ability within the constraints of an overbearing tendency. I have to remind myself of this, too.

I’m currently reading a novel where the main protagonist is a proofreader. In a discussion with a colleague, the protagonist confessed the sadness of scrutinising a book so heavily before it went to print and, when opening it to the first page in a bookstore upon release, spotting a mistake on the first page. As a copywriter by profession, I resonated with this wholeheartedly.

But, if you’ve made a mistake, is it the end of your project, goal, career or world? In nearly all circumstances, mistakes can be rectified or learned from. So, allow yourself to forgive your mistake and find comfort in the knowledge that you had the courage to start and accomplish what you set out to do.

Looking at the bigger picture

Earlier this week, I had what I considered to be the first “bad day” of the year. It started because I didn’t go to the gym, then I was hungry and ate more biscuits than I said I would, and I didn’t reach my water intake goal for the day. I was irritable because of my imperfect routine and truthfully, felt sad about it.

But, when I looked at my planner the next day, I realised how much I had achieved the previous day and, in fact, how my actions were propelling me to my greatest manifestation of the year. In true perfectionist fashion, what I had done got overshadowed by what I hadn’t. So, recall your day and the best thing that happened – it might surprise you.

Resting your mind

After a period of undue pressure, unwind in a way that feels intentional for your recovery. My favourite methods are meditation, a bath with a whimsical bath bomb, cooking a nutritious meal or watching a comforting vlog from a high-vibe Youtuber.

Last night, sharing a bag of chocolate buttons on the sofa with my boyfriend after a stressful day, I realised that I was persistently checking my phone for an update on an energy-draining situation. As soon as I noticed my action, I took myself away to complete my evening routine of a hot shower, skincare and reading while playing subliminals in bed. If you’re spiralling into perfectionism and sat in the moment, I recommend relocating from where you’re situated and revisiting the action later.

While rest might seem counterproductive to achieving a goal, it can help to provide clarity and perspective. I’m precious about enforcing boundaries to reset after a day of work or learning, and recommend building a routine to support rest and recovery for overcoming perfectionism, too.

Being open-minded

When your project, goal or lifestyle change doesn’t go to plan, remind yourself that it has enabled you to learn. Albeit not perfect, each tick on your list is a progression. If you’re interested in the role of your mindset in learning, Mindset by Carol Dweck contains interesting research on open and closed mindsets.

An open mindset will support your law of attraction journey, too. Manifestation requires an open mind to co-create with the universe, God or your creator. Concurrently, focusing on what you lack can attract negative energy. So, listen to the narrative in your mind, confirm the thought patterns, and turn “I can’t’’ into “I can, with practice”.

Finding intention

Intentional living has been transformational in my recovery. The lifestyle embraces the concept of imperfection and encourages a shift of focus from perfectionism to finding joy in the mundane, living by personal values and building a life that supports your beliefs.

In addition, being intentional with your mind and body builds resilience that helps to diminish thoughts of sadness, guilt and unforgiveness. It improves your self-love, too.

Have you considered adopting an intentional lifestyle to let go of perfectionism? Read about intentional living in my blog post or contact me to share your experience.

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